A Review: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

The following are quotes I have selected from a recent article in the Sunday New York Times: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person, by Alain De Botton.  Read the quotes and think about them. Do you agree with any of them? Have a conversation with your spouse, significant other, or close friend about the quotes.  The quotes:

  • The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities.  Whenever casual relationships threaten to reveal our flaws, we blame our partners and call it a day.
  • For most of recorded history, people married for logical sorts of reasons, (which were) often expedient, narrow-minded, snobbish, and exploitative. That is why what has replaced it–the marriage of feeling–has largely been spared the need to account for itself.
  • But though we believe ourselves to be seeking happiness in marriage, it isn’t that simple.  What we really seek is familiarity–which may well complicate any plans we might have had for happiness.
  • We make mistakes, too, because we are so lonely.  No one can be in an optimal frame of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable.
  • Finally, we marry to make a nice feeling permanent. We imagine that marriage will help us to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us.
  • The good news is that it doesn’t matter if we find we have married the wrong person.
  • We need to swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden, and disappoint us–and we will (without any malice) do the same to them.
  • The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste(he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently–the person who is good at disagreement.

   What do you think? Do you agree with any of the statements? Do you think the writer holds an overly pessimistic view of marriage? Or a profoundly realistic view? Now read the entire article. Go to: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?mwrsm=Email

Picture of Jim Covington

Jim Covington

Jim Covington (M.Div. MA, LMFT) has been helping couples improve their relationships for more than 30 years. He holds degrees are in psychology and theology, is a licensed New York marriage and family therapist, a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists and has been trained in multiple approaches to marital/couples therapy and family therapy.

He has completed Level 3 Practicum Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, externship training with the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples and PREP (Prevention & Relationship Enhancement Program), and employs Solution Oriented Brief Therapy as taught by Michelle Weiner-Davis.
Picture of Jim Covington

Jim Covington

Jim Covington (M.Div. MA, LMFT) has been helping couples improve their relationships for more than 30 years. He holds degrees are in psychology and theology, is a licensed New York marriage and family therapist, a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists and has been trained in multiple approaches to marital/couples therapy and family therapy.

He has completed Level 3 Practicum Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, externship training with the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples and PREP (Prevention & Relationship Enhancement Program), and employs Solution Oriented Brief Therapy as taught by Michelle Weiner-Davis.