When to Seek Premarital Counseling

When’s the best time for premarital counseling? Sooner than you may think. Some couples wonder if getting therapy before marriage seems extreme. But early support builds resilience for a lifetime together. Premarital counseling is prevention and skill-building combined. Ideally before “I do’s” get set, couples start unraveling their relationship patterns. In a safe space, they […]

Questions to Ask During Your First Couples Counseling Session and Why

Embarking on couples counseling could evoke a mix of emotions, from anxiety to hope. You might wonder what questions lie before you. But the questions are signposts for growth. They steer couples towards reconciling hurts, gaining mutual understanding, and connecting more deeply. In that first session with your partner, get ready to explore your relationship […]

Kids and Divorce

Are children better off with divorced parents? As a marriage dissolves, some parents askthemselves, “Should we stay together for the kids?” Divorce creates emotional turmoil for theentire family and the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and traumatizing. And 30 years ofresearch continue to reveal the negative effect of divorce on children. Depending on how […]

True Love

I love you, on its own, is nice but it’s more powerful when you are specific.  Love means something different to everyone.  Get clear on what it means to you and what exactly you love about each other.                                The love in a secure-functioning relationship is one that comes from daily evidence of devotion and […]

Negativity and Love Don’t Go Together

One of the most transformative actions is to implement a zero negativity policy in your relationship. Remove all judgments stop criticizing your partner, and watch your tone of voice when you speak. When you stop the discharge of negative energy, the nervous system of the other person eventually relaxes and the energy moves from the […]

And Yet…

My thoughts about the NY Sunday Times essay, “The Wedding Toast I Will Never Give”: The phrase that caught my attention the most was “and yet.” The writer, Ada Calhoun, writes: “I love this person, and yet she’s such a mess.  And yet when I’m sick, he’s not very nurturing.  And yet we don’t want the same number of […]

The Key to Succeeding in Marriage

A Psychology Today edition (Oct. 2015) included an article about the work of John Gottman which has long been in the public eye. I have extracted some of the article’s highlights. For example, it highlighted one of his most vocalized findings based on his research: to maintain a satisfying relationship, couples must generate five seconds of positive […]

Disrespectful Judgments in Your Marriage?

The communications that are most destructive in relationships are those that express criticism or impart a judgmental attitude. When couples meet with me and claim their major problem is “communication”, most of the time the problem is actually feeling criticized or judged when communicating which leads to a very negative cycle of demand/withdraw that never […]

How Problems Lead to Intimacy

There are unsolvable problems in every relationship. Choosing a partner in a committed relationship is choosing a set of problems–in many cases, irreconcilable.  You can decide to throw in the towel, divorce, and choose a different partner down the road, but you will be choosing another set of problems. Not romantic, I know. But here is the […]

The Art of Intimate Conversation

Intimacy implies closeness or feeling attuned, known by your partner, and connected. Emotional connection is the main reason we seek committed relationships.  We are all wired for intimacy. Intimacy is usually thought of as physical and sexual in nature. True, but another avenue to intimacy is through conversation, i.e., the manner in which couples converse on […]