Recovering From Infidelity
When trust must be rebuilt, a Marriage Friendly Therapist will support couples’ original commitment to their marriage.
The first question people often ask is, "Why?"
Often There is no ONE single reason a person has an affair. There are usually many reasons such as ongoing marital issues, personal and self-identity issues, and societal factors.
Infidelity is a challenging experience and rebuilding trust can seem impossible.
The task of healing from infidelity, repairing the marriage, and restoring trust can be challenging for any couple. However, with a renewed commitment from both spouses and good counseling, many marriages can recover and become stronger.
No matter the reasons no one forces anyone to be unfaithful. Infidelity is a decision. If you are the victim it is important not to blame yourself. Your partner made the decision to be unfaithful and it is not your fault.
If you were unfaithful, it’s important to examine why you allowed yourself to do something that could threaten your marriage. If unhappiness with your spouse contributed to your decision to have an affair, you need to address your feelings openly and honestly so that together you can make some changes.
In order to rebuild a marriage the unfaithful spouses must demonstrate sincere regret and remorse. There needs to be complete confession and honesty by the betrayer. You can not apologize often enough. You need to tell your spouse that you will never commit adultery again.
It’s important to understand that even though you’re willing to work diligently to repair your relationship, your spouse will still have doubts. You might think your intentions to be monogamous are obvious, but they’re not.
Trust has to be rebuilt.
Tell your spouse of your plans to take your commitment to your marriage to heart. During the early stages of recovery when mistrust is rampant this is vital. Otherwise, forgiveness is not possible, trust cannot be restored, and the marriage may not be able to be saved.
Rebuilding Your Marriage After Infidelity
- Healing from infidelity involves teamwork; both spouses must be fully committed to the hard work of getting their marriages back on track.
- The unfaithful partner must be willing to end the affair (sexual or emotional) and do whatever it takes to win back the trust of his or her spouse.
- Honesty is the most important factor in rebuilding the marriage.
The future possibilities for the marriage are not determined by what happened in the affair. They are determined by what happens after the affair is known.
Specifically, it is determined by the degree to which the unfaithful partner is willing, to be honest and answer all their spouse’s questions about the affair. This can be painful.
We recommend limiting conversations about the affair to 30 minutes or less to allow parties to fully emotionally process answers. Otherwise, if conversations go on for too long harsh emotions can erupt.